Posts: 268
Sex: male
Join Date: Jul,
2006
Location:
retired
9/15/2006 9:16:53 PM
this post has been edited 3 time(s)
Sun scorching, beatin down, as youre on the roll strapped up with an m4, cuz Youre on patrol thirty miles left until the next watering hole all this shit in Iraq just to be in control perched on top of a hummer, rifle at the ready youre tired already, but you got to hold it steady your responsibility is to protect yo squad you kiss your necklace cross and murmur to god pray with all ya heart that you dont get shot because beneath the facade, youre scared out of your mind that you might die to an ambush from behind Push those thoughts back, many miles to go (be) careful of attack, and you might live to see home Youre almost there, one last village to drive thru You shout some encouragement down atcha crew Last tour of duty, and it seems gods been true promise to love him forever for protecting you lookin out at all the locals that youve subdued wink at a few, and start feelin good again for no apparant reason you shout "AMEN" the guys chuckle a bit, and you continue to travel a figure steps from a building and onto the gravel Raises some kind of tube up onto his shoulder. you see him, and instantly, your heart grows colder
----*hook*---- GOD PLEASE I believe in your master plan GOD PLEASE I love you, but Im only a man GOD PLEASE Protect me, and let me thrive GOD PLEASE I only wanted to stay alive! ----repeat----
The figure is small, (pause) and youve got no time Hesitate at all, (pause) everybody will die You feel the weight of your friends as you raise the gun squeeze the fuckin trigger until the clip is done screaming curses, pleading to god to let you live your crew is shouting, all wantin to know what you did you raise a trembling finger to the twitching heap He almost doesnt look dead, just asleep The driver cautiously coasts over to see everybody in the hummer hops out in glee ''took a fuckin iraqi down, shit thats hardcore just a few more, and well win the war'' clappin you on the back, but as you draw near you have a suspicion, a cold, raw fear nestled in your heart, but you remain austere until theres no doubt, whats lying here is not a man or a woman, the commando type its a small child clutchin to his chest, a pipe 8 bullet holes, his face contorted in fright shocked silence settles down all over the site you cant believe your eyes, this cant be right god is dead, and you begin to cry
*hook x2*
Two hours later, sitting on your bunk A thought hits, and you dig into your trunk Pull out a glock; all shiny and new stroke the stock; its never been used the doors locked; what the fuck are you gonna do what you thought; you realise never was true 5 oclock; bout time to make your move think about god, and everything he meant to you...
GOD PLEASE Why the FUCK did you do this to me!? GOD PLEASE Its a lie, everything I believed! GOD PLEASE I cant live knowing the shit you allow GOD- WAS NEVER FUCKIN THERE, I GOTTA END THIS NOW!
i can see you put a lot of time n effort into this dog, like to see cats willin to write shit.....i liked it tho, flow was good lil shaky at times but out of what i've seen you've elevated duke....just keep goin n yea this was your best.......nice imagery in this one........a bit better vocab n some metaphors n decent wordplay n coo........keep uppin, but i like this style to, keep it up...nice structure btw...
yeah this was some real ass shit. vivid. but i agree with truemic, the flow was weak. and how is this a freestyle? there's a hook? lol too much time behind it to be considered a FREESTYLE but it's still good none-the-less
9/15/2006 9:16:53 PM
